Wednesday, June 16, 2010

SPEAK EASY NOTE #27 - Phone Racing with the Boss

Situation Synopsis / Communication Challenge


Wordsmith,

My problem is speaking to my boss via the telephone. I find that it's hard to get a word in during a conversation, yet if I'm not quick to respond to a question, he gets annoyed. I find myself very often talking over him which is annoying to me and to him, I'm sure. Sometimes I'm so frustrated after a conversation I want to scream! He can be very rushed at times as he is usually very busy and short on time.

Signed,
Frustrated at Work

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Dear Frustrated,

This is a situation that can be managed over time, using a variety of strategies.

Let’s start with your reactions during and following these phone calls. It is likely that the relationship with your boss has many more elements to it that are frustrating to you than just these rushed phone conversations. If you had ample regular access to your boss and strong open communication with him other than these hurried telephone calls, then it would be unlikely for them to bother you as much as they do.

Always keep this at the top of your consciousness:

“You are the only person you can change.” You have no way to change or control what others do. By changing what you think and how you see situations, you can adjust your own perspectives and communications, and thus increase the potential to have the influence you desire on what others say and do.

So the most important step you can take is to make a commitment to yourself to replace your frustration with acceptance and humor by reminding yourself that, “Yep, that’s the way he always communicates on the phone when he’s busy and rushed.” “I knew that was coming.” “He sure is consistent.” “No surprises here!” “Oops, there it is … again!” These simple reminders can give you an inner chuckle and a sense of soothing tolerance that will set the stage for your heart rate to calm considerably and for your strong emotional response to diminish and even disappear. Your number-one goal is to reduce/eliminate your negative and, yes, legitimate emotional response to your boss’s behavior. If you can start here and accomplish this new perspective, you will have gained such a wonderful new advantage, no matter what he says or how you respond in these conversations.

Accomplishing this new perspective is the first challenge. Once you have been able to integrate and truly internalize this genuine adjustment, there are a number of strategies and communications that have the possibility to create a new dynamic in your workplace. I will provide a range of recommendations for your perusal, selection and adaptation. Remember though that what works well with healthy well-balanced individuals may not work at all with people facing huge pressures or who have mental health challenges. The Surgeon General’s office reports that, “The current prevalence estimate is that about 20 percent of the U.S. population are affected by mental disorders during a given year.” http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/mentalhealth/chapter2/sec2_1.html

This means that one in five people in our lives has some type of mental health obstacle. This is just one more factor that is an important consideration in the choices we make in how to approach and communicate with people. And, of course, since this is your boss, that hierarchical element will also be a factor in how politically advisable any of the suggested approaches may be.

With these caveats in mind, I offer you the following communication options for your consideration and adaptation:

“Sam, I hear how important xxxxxx is to you. Right now, here is what I can tell you about xxxxxx. I will follow up on this and get back to you (right away, by the end of the week, or …) with more details.”

“This sounds like something you want to know immediately/urgently. Here is the current best answer I can provide. We will need to do x, y, and z to gain the bigger picture that is required.”

“Sam, I would like to give you a thoughtful and thorough response to your request and can do this if I have your attention while I describe the key elements of xxxxxx.”

“I have listened carefully and understand quite well the demands on your time as well as those required for this project. I would like to make sure we have an open meaningful ongoing regular two-way dialogue about m, n, o, and p to avoid the frustration we both experience when we talk about …. ”

“When I hear this amount of concern and pressure, it is difficult to be as responsive as I would like to be.”

“Sam, I would like to get on your calendar for a face-to-face meeting so we can look at how to make sure our communications with each other are as effective and beneficial as possible. I have some requests I would like to make and some observations I would like to share with you relating to our communications.”

“Thanks for making time to sit down together and meet with me today; I know how busy you are and how much demand there is on your time. I have prepared a list of topics I want to discuss with you. My goal is to make sure I am doing everything possible to do my job in the best way I can and to provide you with the information and input you need. It is important to me that I describe certain obstacles I see in our communications and certain benefits I recognize we would both gain from adjusting the way we communicate. …”

Sometimes all that is needed is,
“I hear you. You have been very clear about what you want. You have been very clear about how you see this.”

It might be beneficial for you to work with a coach or ask a trusted co-worker or friend to role-play with you how you will present what you want to say to your boss. It is important to keep your communication tone very level and respectful.

Until next time,

The Wordsmith
SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success

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