Speak Easy Note #18 - The Best Kind of Non-Verbal Communication

For all of you who know me well, you knew it had to be coming. Eventually and undoubtedly, I would be writing about dogs. You see, I call myself a “dog slut” and embrace this label in the most endearing way possible. And for anyone who has the kind of insatiable appetite for and deep appreciation of dogs that I have, living in New York City is definitely the place to be. Each time I come in from my daily run, my own true love and home sharer, Bianca, the five-pound Papillon, goes nuts inspecting the variety of competing scents I carry home with me every day.

To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, one source claims that there are an estimated 283,000 dogs in Manhattan alone, not counting the other four New York City boroughs. This means that no matter what time of day or night I run, I will find a multitude of canine friends sharing the sidewalks with me to greet and be greeted by.

They come in all sizes, ages, colors, temperaments and personalities. Each of them speaks without words. Each of them communicates exactly what they want me to know. I can tell a block away if a dog wants to be petted. I know exactly which ones will be licking my face. Their body language and facial expressions are transparently expressive and immediate. I know to extend the back of my hand so they can sniff me before I engage with them. I always get on their level so that I am not dominating or overpowering them. I let them show me what they’re comfortable with. I almost always get lots of kisses and affection. Tonight I even got my favorite “love bites” from a sweet Wheaton Terrier that I had never met before. This special greeting is an almost imperceptible touch of the teeth when being licked - a tiny grab with the mouth that is sweet and gentle. Dogs who do this know you are totally comfortable and trusting. They are showing a closer affection. This is not an aggressive biting or even anything like a bite - just a more intimate dog kiss than a simple lick. After the engagement is over, I always say “thank you” to the owner and the dog. It is my daily therapy. It is like the respectful Bahamian greeting I described two postings back. There is so much we can learn from the non-verbal communication and facial expressions of dogs.

Here is a wonderful link showing animals being rescued following Hurricane Katrina. Their expressions in these photos tell the entire story.

Animal Rescue Hurricane Katrina

In my book, SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success, available for purchase from Word Craft Press, I write about non-verbal communication:

Words are actually the smallest contributor to how communication is received.

Research repeatedly shows that

The non-verbal portion of communication exceeds 90% of how communication is received.

The largest non-verbal elements of communication are

facial expression and tone of voice.

Since so much of how we receive communication is non-verbal – with the largest portions coming from facial expression and tone of voice – it’s very tricky to disconnect our emotions from the reactions we have to what people say to us. We can gain meaningful insight into how we interpret what people say, and into our subsequent feelings and reactions, from looking at that large percentage of non-verbal communication.

Our underlying attitudes and judgments add so much to what we communicate and to how our communications are received. Starting with self-awareness, we can open our eyes and bring a new sensitivity to how we interact with people.

Until next week,
The Wordsmith