So guess who's been tweeting? I decided to create a Twitter version of Speak Easy Notes called SpeakEasyCoach. It's been an excellent and demanding challenge to condense important communication advice into 140 characters. Here is a list of the first ten:
1. Always experience a level playing field of communication. See the equal, two-way street of communication in every verbal exchange.
2. Non-verbal communication exceeds 90% of how communication is received. Monitor voice tone and facial expression to diminish dual messages.
3. Acknowledge what others think or want. Validate others’ positions before promoting your own. See validation as different from agreement.
4. Communication requires listening. The more you listen and communicate what you’ve heard, the more others will listen to your views.
5. Choose positive ways to express negative thought. Use affirmative language if possible. Avoid negative and confrontational communication.
6. Don’t say what happened to you; describe what happened and what you’re doing as a result. Victim statements weaken how others see you.
7. Avoiding communication can be worse than the actual conversation you’re dreading. Anticipation frequently weighs much more than actuality.
8. Withholding the truth undermines communication. Embellishing reality leads to trouble. Never distort or misrepresent. Trust the truth.
9. Saying too much is unappealing and unfruitful. Remember to KEEP IT SIMPLE. Don’t tell how to make a watch when asked for the time.
10. The qualifiers: some, a little, probably, kind of, sort of, I think, I believe, only just, I guess diminish communication. Avoid them.
Until next time,
The Wordsmith
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
SPEAK EASY NOTE #48 - Win-Win Negotiation Communications
It feels like a very good sign that I have been helping a number of clients manage job offer salary negotiations. There may be real momentum finally in the job market that will bring down the unemployment statistics and fuel our weakened economy. Since this is a topic I've yet to write about in Speak Easy Notes, I'm choosing it for this week’s topic. Even if you aren’t involved in a salary negotiation for a new job or up for a promotion and a raise in your current professional role, everyone faces numerous negotiations in daily life and having communication guidelines for effective negotiations is actually beneficial to all.
The following except from SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success will provide a wonderful array of communication choices for ease in negotiation:
Win-Win Wins Again
Here’s a list incorporating the style of language variations that will increase the likelihood of getting the most in a negotiation. Using these types of communications will also enhance how the other person in the negotiation sees what he or she’s gaining and giving up. And lastly, these approaches will go a long way to keep interactions from escalating into conflict.
>“Let’s keep talking so that we can get this right for both of us.”
> “Here are the topics we need to find ways to reach agreement about.”
> “I’m committed to finding the right way to make this happen.”
> “I know we can determine how to reach our goals in a way that will be good for both of us.”
> “I’m confident we can agree on … .”
> “Let’s examine ways to do XXX so we can finalize our agreement.”
> “Let’s look at how to make this equitable for everyone involved.”
Opposites Compete
It’s human nature to see circumstances from a one-sided and personal perspective. To reach agreement in a conflict or in a negotiation requires looking beyond self-interest and finding a balance that incorporates collaboration, compromise and inclusion. This requires focusing on your own goals without doing so at the expense of others, without sacrificing someone else’s well-being for your own advancement.
If reaching agreement is the true objective instead of creating a winner and loser, the likelihood of using effective communication and completing a successful negotiation in a timely manner increases dramatically.
About Those Numbers: The Money Game
When it comes to negotiating your annual salary increase or your new job compensation package, there are some hard and fast communication rules that can increase a good outcome.
> Whenever possible, postpone the discussion of numbers until after an offer has been made.
> Do your homework and know what the salaries and compensation ranges are REALISTICALLY in your field and in your geography.
>Name ranges rather than a specific number if you’re compelled to state compensation numbers.
>Without greed as the goal, ask what the employer’s flexibility is.
Here are communications that match these guidelines:
> “Let’s talk about salary later. I‘m so interested in hearing more about this position. I know we’ll be able to agree on numbers when we’re at the point where we both agree this is exactly the right position for me.”
> “What’s the range for this position? I’d be very interested in hearing more about that.”
> “When I began this job search, I promised myself I’d keep my salary history and all compensation numbers out of the conversations I’d have with people. I want to make sure my decision and my future employer’s decision about a job offer is based on how right the fit is and how much value I’ll bring to the company. I know we’ll be able to agree on the numbers if everything else is right.”
> “I began my career at XYZ when I was eighteen years old, just out of high school. I put myself through college at night and have continued to work for XYZ until now. My salary there today is based on my starting salary as a high school graduate, in spite of the fact that all of my clients are Fortune 500 corporations and all of the accounts I manage are multi-million-dollar accounts. Based on my research and success, I know my value in the job market today is in the mid six figure range.”
> “I did extensive research and spoke to people I respect highly to get your name. The reason I’m speaking to you today is because of your outstanding reputation as an executive recruiter. I know you’ve been placing key people in my industry and are an expert on what the right compensation range would be for a professional with the background and experience that I have. Since I’ve worked for XYZ since I was eighteen years old, my salary there today is based on my starting salary as a high school graduate. What do you see as the range for someone with my background and expertise who manages Fortune 500 multi-million dollar accounts? I know because of how successful you are that you have your finger right on the pulse of the marketplace and really know what the right range is for someone like me.”
> “I’m so pleased with this offer. I’ve thought about all that we discussed very carefully and see how good a fit this is and how well I’ll be able to do xxxxxxx, yyyyyyy, and zzzzzzz. I am particularly pleased about qqqqqqq. There are some topics I’d like to talk more to you about. Please describe further blah, etc. and blah. What is your flexibility on the compensation for this position? I am especially interested in hearing how you see the components we just discussed as they relate to the compensation. Let’s keep talking about all of this so we can make this right for both of us and finalize our agreement.”
Balance Isn’t Always Equal
Reaching an equitable or satisfactory agreement usually has pluses and minuses for both sides. Since self-interest is a primary human objective, the views and goals on either side of a negotiation are unlikely to be identical. Rather than look for a 50/50 exactly-equal deal, it’s better to define what’s desirable and equitable in terms of priorities, weighting of importance and long-term objectives. Going into a negotiation with as much definition and clarity as possible will provide perspective and objectivity which are challenging to maintain in a demanding negotiation or conflict resolution situation.
Until next time,
The Wordsmith
The following except from SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success will provide a wonderful array of communication choices for ease in negotiation:
Win-Win Wins Again
Here’s a list incorporating the style of language variations that will increase the likelihood of getting the most in a negotiation. Using these types of communications will also enhance how the other person in the negotiation sees what he or she’s gaining and giving up. And lastly, these approaches will go a long way to keep interactions from escalating into conflict.
>“Let’s keep talking so that we can get this right for both of us.”
> “Here are the topics we need to find ways to reach agreement about.”
> “I’m committed to finding the right way to make this happen.”
> “I know we can determine how to reach our goals in a way that will be good for both of us.”
> “I’m confident we can agree on … .”
> “Let’s examine ways to do XXX so we can finalize our agreement.”
> “Let’s look at how to make this equitable for everyone involved.”
Opposites Compete
It’s human nature to see circumstances from a one-sided and personal perspective. To reach agreement in a conflict or in a negotiation requires looking beyond self-interest and finding a balance that incorporates collaboration, compromise and inclusion. This requires focusing on your own goals without doing so at the expense of others, without sacrificing someone else’s well-being for your own advancement.
If reaching agreement is the true objective instead of creating a winner and loser, the likelihood of using effective communication and completing a successful negotiation in a timely manner increases dramatically.
About Those Numbers: The Money Game
When it comes to negotiating your annual salary increase or your new job compensation package, there are some hard and fast communication rules that can increase a good outcome.
> Whenever possible, postpone the discussion of numbers until after an offer has been made.
> Do your homework and know what the salaries and compensation ranges are REALISTICALLY in your field and in your geography.
>Name ranges rather than a specific number if you’re compelled to state compensation numbers.
>Without greed as the goal, ask what the employer’s flexibility is.
Here are communications that match these guidelines:
> “Let’s talk about salary later. I‘m so interested in hearing more about this position. I know we’ll be able to agree on numbers when we’re at the point where we both agree this is exactly the right position for me.”
> “What’s the range for this position? I’d be very interested in hearing more about that.”
> “When I began this job search, I promised myself I’d keep my salary history and all compensation numbers out of the conversations I’d have with people. I want to make sure my decision and my future employer’s decision about a job offer is based on how right the fit is and how much value I’ll bring to the company. I know we’ll be able to agree on the numbers if everything else is right.”
> “I began my career at XYZ when I was eighteen years old, just out of high school. I put myself through college at night and have continued to work for XYZ until now. My salary there today is based on my starting salary as a high school graduate, in spite of the fact that all of my clients are Fortune 500 corporations and all of the accounts I manage are multi-million-dollar accounts. Based on my research and success, I know my value in the job market today is in the mid six figure range.”
> “I did extensive research and spoke to people I respect highly to get your name. The reason I’m speaking to you today is because of your outstanding reputation as an executive recruiter. I know you’ve been placing key people in my industry and are an expert on what the right compensation range would be for a professional with the background and experience that I have. Since I’ve worked for XYZ since I was eighteen years old, my salary there today is based on my starting salary as a high school graduate. What do you see as the range for someone with my background and expertise who manages Fortune 500 multi-million dollar accounts? I know because of how successful you are that you have your finger right on the pulse of the marketplace and really know what the right range is for someone like me.”
> “I’m so pleased with this offer. I’ve thought about all that we discussed very carefully and see how good a fit this is and how well I’ll be able to do xxxxxxx, yyyyyyy, and zzzzzzz. I am particularly pleased about qqqqqqq. There are some topics I’d like to talk more to you about. Please describe further blah, etc. and blah. What is your flexibility on the compensation for this position? I am especially interested in hearing how you see the components we just discussed as they relate to the compensation. Let’s keep talking about all of this so we can make this right for both of us and finalize our agreement.”
Balance Isn’t Always Equal
Reaching an equitable or satisfactory agreement usually has pluses and minuses for both sides. Since self-interest is a primary human objective, the views and goals on either side of a negotiation are unlikely to be identical. Rather than look for a 50/50 exactly-equal deal, it’s better to define what’s desirable and equitable in terms of priorities, weighting of importance and long-term objectives. Going into a negotiation with as much definition and clarity as possible will provide perspective and objectivity which are challenging to maintain in a demanding negotiation or conflict resolution situation.
Until next time,
The Wordsmith
Friday, January 21, 2011
Speak Easy Note #47 - The Boss's Intentions - Common Blunders
New managers often worry that their friends at work will stop liking them when the hierarchy changes and they are no longer peers. Becoming a manager of someone who has been an equal co-worker can be a big challenge. Even experienced managers who have been the “boss” for an extended period of time fail to recognize how many of their preferred communication approaches can be big obstacles to clear understanding and successful outcomes. They are often unaware that they have conveyed something quite different from what they intended.
Here are three types of communications to avoid that frequently backfire:
1.
USING AN INDIRECT SUGGESTION TO CONVEY A REQUIREMENT:
Managers often tell me that they have given precise and clear directions to someone who works for them and that they’re quite upset about how far from the mark the results were that the person achieved. Even worse, the managers sometimes tell me that the individual paid no attention to their instructions and guidelines at all. When I probe further to determine how a clear instruction was so misinterpreted, I often learn that the managers never actually communicated any specific requirements at all. Instead they have started their clear instruction with,
“Why don’t you do it like this …”
OR
“A better approach to what you’re doing is …”
OR
“I would prefer you to …”
The potential for clarity of description for these is without debate. The manager can express very clear descriptions of how to achieve a task. What is totally missing from this language is the clarity of requirement. Certainly preference is stated. And yet, removal of choice and requirement of action are nowhere stated.
The recommendation to use equal, level, mutually respectful two-way communication is the first fundamental tenet in my book: SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success. The emphasis on avoiding micro-management of employees is valid and beneficial. A manager can communicate in a level way without micromanaging and still clearly convey specific task requirements.
2.
ASKING A CLOSED-ENDED QUESTION TO VERIFY UNDERSTANDING:
Another communication deficit closely linked to how managers are surprised by unexpected and undesirable outcomes is the tendency they have to ask questions like these:
“Are there any questions?”
“Do you understand?”
“Have I made everything clear?”
In most instances, the immediate answers to these questions are, “No.”, “Yes.” and “Yes.”. What verification occurs with this type of closed-ended questions? None at all, actually. Even when these answers are sincere, they cannot tell the manager if what he or she wanted to convey was actually understood or will be retained.
Much better questions for the manager to ask are:
“What questions do you have about XXX?”
“What are the most important concepts you got from what I just presented?”
“How can you best use the information I have just described?”
“What do you think is most significant about this topic?”
3.
RELYING ON FACIAL EXPRESSION, EYE CONTACT AND ANIMATION FOR ASSURANCE THAT A COMMUNICATION HAS BEEN UNDERSTOOD AND WILL BE WELL-EXECUTED:
A project manager said to me,
“I know that my team understands what I’m saying because I see that they’re listening closely. I can tell from their facial expression and their eye contact that they’re engaged and attentive.”
This belief that her team understands what she is telling them was in contrast to her low self-ratings on clear communication, team development and obtaining results. For sure, eye contact and facial expression are strong and clear indicators of how engaged people are. People’s engagement can be a preliminary gauge of comprehension. The fact is though that people can listen very attentively and still miss a good deal of what is presented to them. Also presenters can engage people and convey something other than what is intended. Full attention to what is said cannot guarantee desired execution and results.
In addition to monitoring how attentive an audience appears to be, it is critical to incorporate into all business (and social) venues verification of understanding and retention of information though multiple and varied two-way communications.
Until next time,
The Wordsmith
Here are three types of communications to avoid that frequently backfire:
1.
USING AN INDIRECT SUGGESTION TO CONVEY A REQUIREMENT:
Managers often tell me that they have given precise and clear directions to someone who works for them and that they’re quite upset about how far from the mark the results were that the person achieved. Even worse, the managers sometimes tell me that the individual paid no attention to their instructions and guidelines at all. When I probe further to determine how a clear instruction was so misinterpreted, I often learn that the managers never actually communicated any specific requirements at all. Instead they have started their clear instruction with,
“Why don’t you do it like this …”
OR
“A better approach to what you’re doing is …”
OR
“I would prefer you to …”
The potential for clarity of description for these is without debate. The manager can express very clear descriptions of how to achieve a task. What is totally missing from this language is the clarity of requirement. Certainly preference is stated. And yet, removal of choice and requirement of action are nowhere stated.
The recommendation to use equal, level, mutually respectful two-way communication is the first fundamental tenet in my book: SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success. The emphasis on avoiding micro-management of employees is valid and beneficial. A manager can communicate in a level way without micromanaging and still clearly convey specific task requirements.
2.
ASKING A CLOSED-ENDED QUESTION TO VERIFY UNDERSTANDING:
Another communication deficit closely linked to how managers are surprised by unexpected and undesirable outcomes is the tendency they have to ask questions like these:
In most instances, the immediate answers to these questions are, “No.”, “Yes.” and “Yes.”. What verification occurs with this type of closed-ended questions? None at all, actually. Even when these answers are sincere, they cannot tell the manager if what he or she wanted to convey was actually understood or will be retained.
Much better questions for the manager to ask are:
“What questions do you have about XXX?”
“What are the most important concepts you got from what I just presented?”
“How can you best use the information I have just described?”
“What do you think is most significant about this topic?”
3.
RELYING ON FACIAL EXPRESSION, EYE CONTACT AND ANIMATION FOR ASSURANCE THAT A COMMUNICATION HAS BEEN UNDERSTOOD AND WILL BE WELL-EXECUTED:
A project manager said to me,
“I know that my team understands what I’m saying because I see that they’re listening closely. I can tell from their facial expression and their eye contact that they’re engaged and attentive.”
This belief that her team understands what she is telling them was in contrast to her low self-ratings on clear communication, team development and obtaining results. For sure, eye contact and facial expression are strong and clear indicators of how engaged people are. People’s engagement can be a preliminary gauge of comprehension. The fact is though that people can listen very attentively and still miss a good deal of what is presented to them. Also presenters can engage people and convey something other than what is intended. Full attention to what is said cannot guarantee desired execution and results.
In addition to monitoring how attentive an audience appears to be, it is critical to incorporate into all business (and social) venues verification of understanding and retention of information though multiple and varied two-way communications.
Until next time,
The Wordsmith
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Speak Easy Note #46 - Phrases to Avoid
It's astonishing how frequently we use familiar phrases that are the opposite of our intended meaning or are completely unrelated to what we actually want to express. Since these phrases are so commonly used, we continue to say them with very little awareness of their potentially less than desirable impact and without recognizing that it would be appreciably better to eliminate them altogether or choose words instead that are much more direct and closely aligned with what we actually want to say.
Here's a list of five frequently used phrases to eliminate from your communication repertoire, accompanied by suggested choices to say in place of them:
1.
I don’t blame you for …
I definitely understand your choice to …
How interesting that we introduce blame when we wish to express understanding and alignment.
2.
To be honest, I …
I …
Whenever people feel a need to proclaim honesty prior to making a statement or expressing a viewpoint, it sets the stage for others to wonder if they've been other than honest prior to their declaration of honesty.
3.
Do you mind xxxx ...
I would appreciate it if you xxxx …. (or) Would you please xxx …
If our request is legitimate, then what's the purpose of asking someone if they “mind” doing something? If we really want to know what a person’s reaction is to our request, it would be better to ask, “How do you feel about doing xxx?”
4.
Iwould be willing …
I am comfortable … (or) I’m on board with … (or) I agree to
It's best to omit “willing” from your agreement unless you want to convey that you're doing something that's basically out of your best interests or far from your desire.
5.
No problem …
Sure … (or) Absolutely … (or) Of course … (or) I would be delighted to …
As acceptable as this expression is and as clear an understanding of it that everyone has, “No problem” is comprised of two negative words, one of which introduces a problematic premise to your reply.
Until next time,
The Wordsmith
Author of
SPEAK EASY - The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success
Here's a list of five frequently used phrases to eliminate from your communication repertoire, accompanied by suggested choices to say in place of them:
1.
I definitely understand your choice to …
How interesting that we introduce blame when we wish to express understanding and alignment.
2.
I …
Whenever people feel a need to proclaim honesty prior to making a statement or expressing a viewpoint, it sets the stage for others to wonder if they've been other than honest prior to their declaration of honesty.
3.
I would appreciate it if you xxxx …. (or) Would you please xxx …
If our request is legitimate, then what's the purpose of asking someone if they “mind” doing something? If we really want to know what a person’s reaction is to our request, it would be better to ask, “How do you feel about doing xxx?”
4.
I
I am comfortable … (or) I’m on board with … (or) I agree to
It's best to omit “willing” from your agreement unless you want to convey that you're doing something that's basically out of your best interests or far from your desire.
5.
Sure … (or) Absolutely … (or) Of course … (or) I would be delighted to …
As acceptable as this expression is and as clear an understanding of it that everyone has, “No problem” is comprised of two negative words, one of which introduces a problematic premise to your reply.
Until next time,
The Wordsmith
Author of
SPEAK EASY - The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Speak Easy Note # 45 - Pitfalls of Email
People frequently ask me to write about email communication and the pitfalls that we often create or fall into through email misuse. So let’s first revisit the “Top Ten Email Rules at Work” that I posted on August 7th, 2010 and then expand on #7:
#10. Start your email with the person’s name followed by a comma. “Dear” is not necessary. End all of your emails with a closure. It can be simply your name or just your initial(s) or it can be something like “Regards,” followed by your name. Just make sure you’ve indicated an end to your email.
#9. Keep your emails as courteous, concise and focused as possible. Make sure you include personal concern and brief friendly content in your email communications just as you would if you were speaking directly to a business associate, colleague or client. Respond to email promptly.
#8. Keep your business email professional. Use complete sentences, correct spelling and proper language for business email. Avoid using your business email to receive or distribute dirty jokes or X-rated photos. Once you hit “send” your email is out there and can come back to haunt you at a later time.
#7. People often attribute unintended tone and attitude to email communications. Monitor your email carefully and communicate directly with people to avoid the possibility of misinterpretation.
#6. Make sure that you’re not using email to avoid a face-to-face or direct communication with someone. Conflict avoidance often escalates a situation or can bite you on the backside down the road.
#5. Remember that anything you send via email can be forwarded to others without your control. Ask yourself before you send it if you’re comfortable with the potential of your email being forwarded.
#4. Be highly selective when choosing to copy others on a business email. When appropriate, use the blind cc feature to protect people’s privacy and to avoid exposing people’s email addresses when you are sending email to multiple recipients. If you’re sharing the contributions of others or helping others to get recognition, copying key people is a positive action. It’s bad practice to use email to expose someone who has made a mistake, whom you don’t like, or who you think is stupid.
#3. Use email when you need to communicate written dated proof of factual information; otherwise
communicate all other necessary negative feedback or views through personal verbal spoken communication.
#2. Never send email in the middle of an emotional reaction. Give yourself at least overnight to calm down before firing off an email response about something or someone that has upset you.
#1. The company you work for owns your email account and all of its contents. Make sure you’re aware of this and that everything you send and receive through your work email account would be appropriate for your boss to read.
It’s striking how often I hear my clients attribute negative emotional intent to an email they’ve received, and I can find none of the same emotional intent when I read that email. What’s the reason for the vast difference in interpretation? Certainly when we speak to one another directly, facial expression and voice tone are major contributors to how communication is interpreted and received. The Second Fundamental of Good Communication in SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success states that:
Since there's actually no tone of voice or facial expression in email, what occurs is the reader creates an imagined tone and interpretation based on past communications between the writer and the reader as well as on the individual values, perceptions and sometimes insecurities of the reader. Email can take readers down paths that are far removed from the intention or goals of the writer. In the workplace, direct communication is often neglected or abandoned altogether even though it's essential for smooth operations, efficient product delivery, leadership influence, strong project management, and especially superior customer relations. As we become more and more dependent on text and email, we get farther and farther from two-way mutually respectful dialog where there is better opportunity to build rapport, verify intent, answer questions and ensure understanding.
Here are alternative options to avoid these pitfalls of email communication:
1. Get up from your desk and walk down the hall to someone’s office or work station to have a direct conversation.
2. Pick up the phone to speak directly or leave a voicemail message, asking for a return phone call.
3. Write an email with a brief topic description, requesting a return call or face-to-face meeting to discuss something important.
Until next time,
The Wordsmith
#10. Start your email with the person’s name followed by a comma. “Dear” is not necessary. End all of your emails with a closure. It can be simply your name or just your initial(s) or it can be something like “Regards,” followed by your name. Just make sure you’ve indicated an end to your email.
#9. Keep your emails as courteous, concise and focused as possible. Make sure you include personal concern and brief friendly content in your email communications just as you would if you were speaking directly to a business associate, colleague or client. Respond to email promptly.
#8. Keep your business email professional. Use complete sentences, correct spelling and proper language for business email. Avoid using your business email to receive or distribute dirty jokes or X-rated photos. Once you hit “send” your email is out there and can come back to haunt you at a later time.
#7. People often attribute unintended tone and attitude to email communications. Monitor your email carefully and communicate directly with people to avoid the possibility of misinterpretation.
#6. Make sure that you’re not using email to avoid a face-to-face or direct communication with someone. Conflict avoidance often escalates a situation or can bite you on the backside down the road.
#5. Remember that anything you send via email can be forwarded to others without your control. Ask yourself before you send it if you’re comfortable with the potential of your email being forwarded.
#4. Be highly selective when choosing to copy others on a business email. When appropriate, use the blind cc feature to protect people’s privacy and to avoid exposing people’s email addresses when you are sending email to multiple recipients. If you’re sharing the contributions of others or helping others to get recognition, copying key people is a positive action. It’s bad practice to use email to expose someone who has made a mistake, whom you don’t like, or who you think is stupid.
#3. Use email when you need to communicate written dated proof of factual information; otherwise
communicate all other necessary negative feedback or views through personal verbal spoken communication.
#2. Never send email in the middle of an emotional reaction. Give yourself at least overnight to calm down before firing off an email response about something or someone that has upset you.
#1. The company you work for owns your email account and all of its contents. Make sure you’re aware of this and that everything you send and receive through your work email account would be appropriate for your boss to read.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
#7. People often attribute unintended tone and attitude to email communications. Monitor your email carefully and communicate directly with people to avoid the possibility of misinterpretation.
It’s striking how often I hear my clients attribute negative emotional intent to an email they’ve received, and I can find none of the same emotional intent when I read that email. What’s the reason for the vast difference in interpretation? Certainly when we speak to one another directly, facial expression and voice tone are major contributors to how communication is interpreted and received. The Second Fundamental of Good Communication in SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success states that:
The non-verbal portion of communication exceeds ninety percent of how communication is received.
Since there's actually no tone of voice or facial expression in email, what occurs is the reader creates an imagined tone and interpretation based on past communications between the writer and the reader as well as on the individual values, perceptions and sometimes insecurities of the reader. Email can take readers down paths that are far removed from the intention or goals of the writer. In the workplace, direct communication is often neglected or abandoned altogether even though it's essential for smooth operations, efficient product delivery, leadership influence, strong project management, and especially superior customer relations. As we become more and more dependent on text and email, we get farther and farther from two-way mutually respectful dialog where there is better opportunity to build rapport, verify intent, answer questions and ensure understanding.
Here are alternative options to avoid these pitfalls of email communication:
1. Get up from your desk and walk down the hall to someone’s office or work station to have a direct conversation.
2. Pick up the phone to speak directly or leave a voicemail message, asking for a return phone call.
3. Write an email with a brief topic description, requesting a return call or face-to-face meeting to discuss something important.
Until next time,
The Wordsmith
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Speak Easy Note # 44 - Communication Resolutions 2011
For my final post of 2010, I had planned to create a Top Ten Communication 2011 New Year's Resolution List. It struck me that these could be selected from the Speak Easy Rules at the end of each chapter in SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success. Then it struck me that an even better way to end the year would be to include all of the Rules from each of the thirteen chapters, so here they are:
Speak Easy Rules – Chapter Summaries
1 Keep It Level
> Experience a level playing field of communication.
> Be aware of how facial expressions say more than words.
> Monitor your voice tone to diminish dual messages.
> Express your reactions directly without apology.
> Focus on demonstrating respect in every communication.
2 Tell Them That You Really Heard
> Acknowledge what others are saying.
> Validate others’ positions before promoting your own.
> Concentrate on listening without jumping to your views.
> Realize you can validate others without agreeing with them.
> Separate high standards from disapproval and judgment.
3 There’s A Good Way To Say Everything
> Select direct ways to communicate.
> Realize that people appreciate hearing the truth.
> Recognize that there is no need to embellish or distort.
> Resolve to be comfortable talking about difficult topics.
> Use simpler descriptions and realize that less is more.
4 Replacing Deadly Habits
> Avoid passive or victimized language.
> Express yourself in the affirmative.
> Choose neutral rather than negatively-charged words.
> Recognize the pitfalls of giving people advice.
> Eliminate hackneyed ways of communicating.
5 Be Your Own Best Friend
> Get your sense of well-being from yourself.
> Disempower abusive communicators.
> Focus on what you have rather than on what is missing.
> Value the gains you receive from loss.
> Build strong systems of support.
6 Every Style Can Be Successful
> Appreciate what distinguishes you from other people.
> Believe there are many good approaches to all situations.
> Leverage your preferred style.
> See value in expanding your communication repertoire.
> Broaden your horizons to include wider views.
7 Armor For Abuse
> Dissolve people’s power to hurt you with their words.
> Recognize when silence would be the best response.
> Thank people, without defensiveness, for being open.
> Take care of your internal emotional trigger points.
> Refrain from measuring yourself harshly against others.
8 Refusing The Right Way
> Remain at ease when people make difficult requests.
> Validate people’s right to ask for what they want.
> Match your responses with what you can really deliver.
> Be clear when your intention is to refuse completely.
> Think through your response before you say yes.
9 Expanding Your “Who You Know” Quotient
> See NETWORKING as research and relationship building.
> Include solutions when discussing your challenges.
> Believe you have or can access the right contacts.
> Share what you know when you ask important questions.
> View NETWORKING as more than spreading your name.
10 Working It At Work
> Recognize how important positive communication is.
> Give 100% to being well-prepared.
> Speak with focus and direction.
> Base your communication on affirmative premises.
> Describe your strengths and actions in consistent terms.
11 Getting What You Want
> Think of negotiating as reaching agreement.
> Offer various options to get the results you want.
> Target what you say to your advantage.
> Define your objectives before engaging in negotiations.
> Recognize the value of patience and staying power.
12 Facing An Audience
> Challenge your belief system about public speaking.
> Realize how easy it is to talk about what you know well.
> See that stage fright enhances performance.
> Use true stories to illustrate your presentation points.
> Recognize how enthusiasm engages an audience.
13 Summing It All Up – Communication, Key To The Good Life
> Know that excellence in communication enriches life.
> Value what it takes to change communication patterns.
> See how universal basic human communication is.
> Take responsibility for what you say and how you say it.
> Be patient and determined with your communication goals.
Happy New Year!
Until 2011,
The Wordsmith
Speak Easy Rules – Chapter Summaries
1 Keep It Level
> Experience a level playing field of communication.
> Be aware of how facial expressions say more than words.
> Monitor your voice tone to diminish dual messages.
> Express your reactions directly without apology.
> Focus on demonstrating respect in every communication.
2 Tell Them That You Really Heard
> Acknowledge what others are saying.
> Validate others’ positions before promoting your own.
> Concentrate on listening without jumping to your views.
> Realize you can validate others without agreeing with them.
> Separate high standards from disapproval and judgment.
3 There’s A Good Way To Say Everything
> Select direct ways to communicate.
> Realize that people appreciate hearing the truth.
> Recognize that there is no need to embellish or distort.
> Resolve to be comfortable talking about difficult topics.
> Use simpler descriptions and realize that less is more.
4 Replacing Deadly Habits
> Avoid passive or victimized language.
> Express yourself in the affirmative.
> Choose neutral rather than negatively-charged words.
> Recognize the pitfalls of giving people advice.
> Eliminate hackneyed ways of communicating.
5 Be Your Own Best Friend
> Get your sense of well-being from yourself.
> Disempower abusive communicators.
> Focus on what you have rather than on what is missing.
> Value the gains you receive from loss.
> Build strong systems of support.
6 Every Style Can Be Successful
> Appreciate what distinguishes you from other people.
> Believe there are many good approaches to all situations.
> Leverage your preferred style.
> See value in expanding your communication repertoire.
> Broaden your horizons to include wider views.
7 Armor For Abuse
> Dissolve people’s power to hurt you with their words.
> Recognize when silence would be the best response.
> Thank people, without defensiveness, for being open.
> Take care of your internal emotional trigger points.
> Refrain from measuring yourself harshly against others.
8 Refusing The Right Way
> Remain at ease when people make difficult requests.
> Validate people’s right to ask for what they want.
> Match your responses with what you can really deliver.
> Be clear when your intention is to refuse completely.
> Think through your response before you say yes.
9 Expanding Your “Who You Know” Quotient
> See NETWORKING as research and relationship building.
> Include solutions when discussing your challenges.
> Believe you have or can access the right contacts.
> Share what you know when you ask important questions.
> View NETWORKING as more than spreading your name.
10 Working It At Work
> Recognize how important positive communication is.
> Give 100% to being well-prepared.
> Speak with focus and direction.
> Base your communication on affirmative premises.
> Describe your strengths and actions in consistent terms.
11 Getting What You Want
> Think of negotiating as reaching agreement.
> Offer various options to get the results you want.
> Target what you say to your advantage.
> Define your objectives before engaging in negotiations.
> Recognize the value of patience and staying power.
12 Facing An Audience
> Challenge your belief system about public speaking.
> Realize how easy it is to talk about what you know well.
> See that stage fright enhances performance.
> Use true stories to illustrate your presentation points.
> Recognize how enthusiasm engages an audience.
13 Summing It All Up – Communication, Key To The Good Life
> Know that excellence in communication enriches life.
> Value what it takes to change communication patterns.
> See how universal basic human communication is.
> Take responsibility for what you say and how you say it.
> Be patient and determined with your communication goals.
Happy New Year!
Until 2011,
The Wordsmith
Friday, December 3, 2010
Speak Easy Note #43 - On Being Present
From time to time, I receive a personal communication that feels significant and universal, and I decide to incorporate and fictionalize it into my blog posting:
A friend wrote:
“ ... It is the building up of things. It is that the dog is very ill and probably dying, and that my wife was so upset on the phone, and that I did not come home and kept working ... as I do when things are bad. By the time I got home tonight my wife was in bed asleep, as I knew she would be.
And the years flash by and will soon be gone altogether. And everything feels like a challenge. I spent most of the afternoon on something that I used to be able to accomplish in half an hour, and ended up with an unsatisfactory result.
My children do not have easy lives. There are no easy lives. The least I can do is to be there for them, to watch and to listen and to bear witness to their struggles with life. Which I know is important to them. But I am not there. And what I set out to do today and did not do at all was to reset my priorities. To see my oldest son who has opened a new business. And to see more of my other children. I have wisdom for them but I am not there. And, instead, an unsatisfactory day wasted on an unsatisfactory task that would have been better not to bother about at all, let alone be there instead of being with my wife who really needed me. And to think I told a former colleague the other day that, yes, I would be happy to take on a new design project for a couple of days a week for a year or two. Why did I agree to this! And there is no comfort anywhere.
At the very moment I was writing this last thought, I received an amusing email from my middle son and replied to it humorously. For some reason, he and I find humor where others don't. Since he was a tiny boy, we stand there sometimes, tears streaming down our faces, helpless with laughter. And no-one else understands why we are laughing.
So comfort is there after all ...”
My response:
Being present. All too troubling to consider, as I leave my elderly mother in Virginia, to return to New York after a ten-day visit. The range of emotions is vast. I can identify with you and feel how you are grappling with this. Chastising yourself though is hardly the point. It is a struggle being there for everyone. It has to start with being there for you, yourself, first. And the rest will follow. After all, in the end, for each of us and for every single moment we live and breathe, there IS only you, alone. The best part of life is being truly present for each moment and being there to support and share with others. Each "engagement" with those we love - and often, even with total strangers - is what makes life full of wonder. And yet, we are always separate and apart and can only be fully present for ourselves. Those who sacrifice their own lives for others can often be seeking what they cannot find in themselves.
Remain wholly present in life and contribute as much to the world and to your children as you can. Laughter till the tears run is just one way of being present and connected. Those moments remain within us, keeping us present for others when we are far apart and, alas, ever SEPARATE.
"Presence is more than just being there."
Malcolm S. Forbes
Until the next time,
The Wordsmith
Author of
SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success
A friend wrote:
“ ... It is the building up of things. It is that the dog is very ill and probably dying, and that my wife was so upset on the phone, and that I did not come home and kept working ... as I do when things are bad. By the time I got home tonight my wife was in bed asleep, as I knew she would be.
And the years flash by and will soon be gone altogether. And everything feels like a challenge. I spent most of the afternoon on something that I used to be able to accomplish in half an hour, and ended up with an unsatisfactory result.
My children do not have easy lives. There are no easy lives. The least I can do is to be there for them, to watch and to listen and to bear witness to their struggles with life. Which I know is important to them. But I am not there. And what I set out to do today and did not do at all was to reset my priorities. To see my oldest son who has opened a new business. And to see more of my other children. I have wisdom for them but I am not there. And, instead, an unsatisfactory day wasted on an unsatisfactory task that would have been better not to bother about at all, let alone be there instead of being with my wife who really needed me. And to think I told a former colleague the other day that, yes, I would be happy to take on a new design project for a couple of days a week for a year or two. Why did I agree to this! And there is no comfort anywhere.
At the very moment I was writing this last thought, I received an amusing email from my middle son and replied to it humorously. For some reason, he and I find humor where others don't. Since he was a tiny boy, we stand there sometimes, tears streaming down our faces, helpless with laughter. And no-one else understands why we are laughing.
So comfort is there after all ...”
My response:
Being present. All too troubling to consider, as I leave my elderly mother in Virginia, to return to New York after a ten-day visit. The range of emotions is vast. I can identify with you and feel how you are grappling with this. Chastising yourself though is hardly the point. It is a struggle being there for everyone. It has to start with being there for you, yourself, first. And the rest will follow. After all, in the end, for each of us and for every single moment we live and breathe, there IS only you, alone. The best part of life is being truly present for each moment and being there to support and share with others. Each "engagement" with those we love - and often, even with total strangers - is what makes life full of wonder. And yet, we are always separate and apart and can only be fully present for ourselves. Those who sacrifice their own lives for others can often be seeking what they cannot find in themselves.
Remain wholly present in life and contribute as much to the world and to your children as you can. Laughter till the tears run is just one way of being present and connected. Those moments remain within us, keeping us present for others when we are far apart and, alas, ever SEPARATE.
"Presence is more than just being there."
Malcolm S. Forbes
Until the next time,
The Wordsmith
Author of
SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success
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