Speak Easy Note #22 - The Killer Resume

When I first earned my Masters Degree, I became a resume snob for a short period of time. After all, I thought, I have a Masters Degree in Counseling and I will help people with making critical life decisions about who they are and what they will do with their lives so that they can feel productive and contribute to the world. I will help them look at their internal barriers and emotional roadblocks. I will help them enhance how they see themselves and how they present themselves to others. Any business professional could help people write their resumes, I had decided. And then BAM! How wrong I was hit me quite soon after assuming this limited attitude about the process and value of helping someone write his or her resume! At that time, I was primarily working with women who had taken time out of the workforce to raise children, some of them for quite a number of years. It was astounding to see the transformation that took place for these women when I was able to help them craft resumes that took their lives and volunteer experiences and presented these in a professional and business-like manner. It also became very obvious that writing a resume is very connected to a person’s self-esteem and level of confidence. Writing a resume is putting oneself on a piece of paper. This is not an easy task for people to do. Even skilled writers have a great deal of difficulty writing resumes because of all that I have just described and because the writing itself is quite different from all other writing forms.

At some point down the road, as I honed my skills in fine-tuning people's resumes with them, my cousin and I sat down together to work on her resume.  She was a single mother then and had recently lost a husband and his considerable income; she needed to seek employment.  She began describing her experience and I thoughtfully began to work some magic in turning what she had done into significant professional business descriptions.  As I worked, she commented, "Oh I see.  What you do for a living is b--- s---!"  I continued working and without missing a beat, answered, "No! There's a very fine line between b--- s--- and what we're writing and we're NOT going to step over that line!"

So I came to love the work of crafting competitive and fine resumes for my clients. I came to appreciate the many levels of benefit a strong, well written resume could provide. I saw that resume writing incorporated my two top strengths: Wordsmithing and Counseling.

Since it’s always a good practice to keep your resume fine-tuned and up to date, I have decided to make resume writing the topic for this week’s blog. I encourage everyone to update your resume and/or create your latest bio. Even those readers who are retired or simply not working currently nor seeking employment, will benefit from making sure you have your updated profiles ready to give to those who ask you for these. Maybe you will be asked to speak before a group or participate on a panel on a topic you care about. Perhaps you will want to be a part of a task force. Maybe you will join an organization that asks you for your background. And even if you are someone who is happily ensconced in a job that you want to stay in, it is quite valuable to have an updated, highly marketable version of your resume ready for whatever unfolds.

I have decided to provide another TOP TEN list for this topic:

THE TOP TEN LIST FOR WRITING AN AMAZING RESUME

 

#10. A resume should be no more than TWO PAGES long - ever. Many people recommend a ONE-PAGE resume. If you use two pages for your resume, make sure to fill the second page so that it is at least 75% filled; otherwise condense to one page! If you use a two-page version of your resume, make sure your name and “Page 2” appear at the top of the second page. If the second page continues a section from the first page, create a heading or indication of what is being continued from first page. No matter what type of resume you’re writing, the first page must have a work chronology with dates included. It’s unnecessary and not recommended to include the months in the dates on a resume. Most students, younger less-experienced workers, and entry-level individuals usually would have a one-page resume.

#9. Remember the Three Cs of resume writing: Be CLEAR, CONSISTENT, and CONCISE.

#8. AVOID using HACKNEYED, weak, repetitive language such as “responsible for”, “served as”, “acted as”, “handled”, “assisted", “helped”, “performed”. Make sure the language on your resume feels authentic and comfortable for you. You must be prepared to discuss everything on your resume!

#7. When writing the work history sections of your resume, always start with the most recent experience and work backwards in REVERSE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER.

#6. Use STRONG ACTION VERBS whenever possible to describe your experiences. Resumes require telegraphed language and should never have complete sentences on them. Avoid using “a”, “an” and “the” on your resume. Also avoid “I”, “me” and “my” on your resume. Resumes are actually written in the third person and are about a person rather than written in the first person where I talk about me.

#5. Whenever possible, demonstrate and illustrate your experience with ACTUAL EXAMPLES. Throughout your resume, make sure you have illustrated the strengths and focus you have laid out in the beginning/focus resume sections. De-emphasize or omit unimportant and irrelevant information.

#4. Make sure your career goal is about the VALUE you will ADD rather than about what you want to gain from your employer. Quantify and show actual RESULTS and SOLUTIONS whenever possible.

#3. Your resume must reflect FOCUS. It is okay to omit having an Objective to start your resume. It is not okay for your resume to be without focus. There are many ways to ensure that the focus is strong, including the use of opening sections like the following: Areas of Career Interest, Professional Expertise, Strengths, Selected Achievements, Industry Experience, etc.

#2. The average amount of time spent on the first reading of a resume is only 17 seconds! Make sure the key pieces of information on your resume POP off the page.

#1. A resume is a MARKETING document. Its goal is to demonstrate your key selling points and marketability as an employee and strong contributor to a work environment. Select everything you put on your resume with that in mind rather than include everything you have ever done.

There are many ways to write a strong resume. If you could find the top ten RESUME CONSULTANTS in the entire country to advise you on your resume, they would all tell you something slightly different and for sure, you would end up with ten different versions of your resume from working with each of them.

Once again, I have written about a topic that is not in “SPEAK EASY – The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success” available for purchase through Word Craft Press. Of course, having your resume updated goes hand in glove with Chapter 9 on networking featured in last week's blog posting as well as Chapter 10, WORKING IT AT WORK which may be a good topic for next week’s blog. Tune in to find out …

Until then,
The Wordsmith

Speak Easy Note #21 - Reaching Out

• Recently, I was searching for some needed information in my old “sent” email list and saw a name of a business colleague whom I haven’t been in touch with for a couple of years. I decided to reach out and say hello to reconnect. The email response I got back said, “It is amazing that you contacted me at this moment because I had just been thinking of you; someone has just asked me to recommend a good communication coach.”

• I set up a meeting last week with a former co-worker I hadn’t seen for ages. In this meeting we talked about an old colleague that we both liked and respected tremendously. This person we discussed was a favorite executive I hadn’t thought of or spoken to for many years. The coworker was able to provide me with the email address for this dear friend and I am so pleased to be able to reach out to a key person in my professional history that had somehow completely slipped off of my radar screen.

• In two weeks, a friend I grew up with in Virginia, now living in North Carolina, has invited me to a Sunday brunch gathering of eight women who grew up in my home town and who all went to some portion of school together growing up. One of these women was in my first grade class with me and attended the same schools as I did from kindergarten through our senior year in high school. Some of these women are an actively important part of my life today and are truly like sisters to me. Some of these women I haven’t seen in many years. One of these women was a good friend in elementary school and lived on the same block as I did and I have not seen her since sixth grade.

• Several years ago, I was in California, sitting alone having dinner and reading outside at a restaurant in Old Pasadena. A lovely young woman at a table along side of mine noticed my book and started a conversation with me about it. We became quickly aware of the passion we share for reading and by the end of dinner, we had exchanged business cards and have been connected from East to West coast ever since. At one point we talked about starting a virtual book club and decided that the formal structure and the obligation to select, read and discuss specific books would not be for us. We’ve ended up sharing our lives, our favorite recipes, photos of our families and most importantly the books we are currently reading and love ever since.

As they say, it really isn’t what you know; it’s always WHO you know, that makes a difference in this world, in this life. And so, it’s always important and beneficial to reach out to people. This applies to every facet of personal and professional endeavors. In particular, in this very difficult economy and job market, with the highest numbers of unemployed workers that most of us have ever experienced, the most highly valued activity we can incorporate into our lives is to reach out to those we know and to expand the quantity and quality of our relationships. The success and satisfaction of our lives will be directly proportioned to the quality of the relationships we create and nourish.


In “SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success” available for purchase through Word Craft Press, I cover a wide range of key elements for successful networking. Instead of including excerpts from this chapter, I have decided to provide the summary and review section found at the end of Chapter 9:

Speak Easy Rules
Review and Summary
Chapter 9 - Expanding Your “Who You Know” Quotient


- See NETWORKING as research and relationship building.
- Include solutions when discussing your challenges.
- Believe you have or can access the right contacts.
- Share what you know when asking important questions.
- View NETWORKING as more than spreading your name.

I encourage you to read this chapter in SPEAK EASY so you can elevate and enhance the way you reach out and build relationships.

Until next time,
The Wordsmith

Speak Easy Note #20 - Top Ten Reminders for Business Email

There is nothing about email in my book SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success because email is about written communication and SPEAK EASY is only about spoken communication. Someone has suggested that I write a book on written communication and call it WRITE ON. It is certainly something to consider doing since a grand portion of the coaching I do is about written communication. People ask me to provide guidelines for email in the work setting all the time and so I have decided to create the TOP TEN EMAIL RULES AT WORK.


#10. Start your email with the person’s name followed by a comma. “Dear” is not necessary. End all of your emails with a closure. It can be simply your name or just your initial(s) or it can be something like “Regards,” followed by your name. Just make sure you’ve indicated an end to your email.


#9. Keep your emails as courteous, concise and focused as possible. Make sure you include personal concern and brief friendly content in your email communications just as you would if you were speaking directly to a business associate, colleague or client. Respond to email promptly.


#8. Keep your business email professional. Use complete sentences, correct spelling and proper language for business email. Avoid using your business email to receive or distribute dirty jokes or X-rated photos. Once you hit “send” your email is out there and can come back to haunt you at a later time.


#7. People often attribute tone and attitude to email communications that are unintended. Monitor your email carefully and communicate directly with people to avoid the possibility of misinterpretation.


#6. Make sure that you’re not using email to avoid a face-to-face or direct communication with someone. Conflict avoidance often escalates a situation or can bite you on the backside down the road.


#5. Remember that anything you send via email can be forwarded to others without your control. Ask yourself before you send it if you’re comfortable with the potential of your email being forwarded.


#4. Be highly selective when choosing to copy others on a business email. When appropriate, use the blind cc feature to protect people’s privacy and to avoid exposing people’s email addresses when you are sending email to multiple recipients. If you’re sharing the contributions of others or helping others to get recognition, copying key people is a positive action. It’s bad practice to use email to expose someone who has made a mistake, whom you don’t like, or who you think is stupid.


#3. Use email when you need to communicate written dated proof of factual information; otherwise communicate all other necessary negative feedback or views through personal verbal spoken communication.


#2. Never send email in the middle of an emotional reaction. Give yourself at least overnight to calm down before firing off an email response about something or someone that has upset you.


#1. The company you work for owns your email account and all of its contents. Make sure you’re aware of this and that everything you send and receive through your work email account would be appropriate for your boss to read.


Until next time,
The Wordsmith

Speak Easy Note #19 - Does Saying It Correctly Really Matter?

Since I introduced the dog topic last week, I got myself in the mood and comfortable with opening the door to address three communication pet peeves of mine. The question though is,

Does it really matter if people use language correctly?

1. Is there any big disadvantage gained from using the personal pronoun “I” when the grammatically correct form to use in a particular sentence is the personal pronoun “me” instead?


INCORRECT USAGE EXAMPLES:
“It is imperative that you get this information to the Vice President and I before the end of this meeting.”
“I hope you will be going with John and I to the big event this week.”

2. Does it even matter if someone says their, they or them when the person who is the antecedent for all of these third-person plural personal pronouns is singular?

INCORRECT USAGE EXAMPLES:
“I will ask the person if they are okay with our giving their seat away."
“One of the students must have left their lunch under the table yesterday.”


3. And, really, who cares if someone splits an infinitive, the form of the verb that begins with “to” (to eat, to sleep, to talk, etc.), by sticking an adverb in the middle of the two-word infinitive? After all, this has definitely become accepted common usage.

INCORRECT USAGE EXAMPLES
"He decided to sloppily finish filling in the form so that at least he could say he had submitted it."
"I’m going to quickly eat my dinner so I can get to the theater before 8:00 PM."



I see that my worshipful attention to good language usage and my desire for people to correct these careless habits may be unnecessary and beyond what many other people think or observe! Writing about these pet peeves reminds me of a wonderful story about Winston Churchill who had a secretary who constantly rewrote and edited many of the sentences he had eloquently written because he had ended some of his sentences with prepositions. He wrote her a note asking her to refrain from changing the sentences that he cared about. (She would have changed the sentence I just wrote to, “He wrote her a note asking her to refrain from changing the sentences about which he cared.”) This is what he wrote to her to let her know that he would not stand for what she was doing to his words: “This is something up with which I will not put?” Churchill on Prepositions

Even though Churchill chose to go against correct usage when it comes to ending sentences and phrases with prepositions, I will agree that Churchill knew exactly what he was talking about. (Please note the preposition at the end of my last sentence.) Sentences sound much better, make more sense and have a better flow when the prepositions at the end of a phrase are left where they fall naturally – even if incorrectly at the end of a sentence.

I will defend my pet peeves, however, and demonstrate the choice of correct usage for each of them. Here’re the reasons why:

1. Even though I have heard well-educated and respected community/political leaders, communication professionals, friends and family all make mistakes like these INCORRECT USAGE EXAMPLES:

“It is imperative that you get this information to the Vice President and I before the end of this meeting.”
“I hope you will be going with John and I to the big event this week.”

I know these same people would never say:

“It is imperative that you get this information to I before the end of this meeting.”
“I hope you will be going with I to the big event this week.”


Instead they would naturally and correctly say:

“It is imperative that you get this information to me before the end of this meeting.”
“I hope you will be going with me to the big event this week.”



And so I will stick with recommending the correct usage which is:

“It is imperative that you get this information to the Vice President and me before the end of this meeting.
“I hope you will be going with John and me to the big event this week.”


Since people know exactly when to say “I” and when to say “me” without the word “and” and without the partnered connection to someone else … “John and me” or “Mary and I” – I am totally baffled about what causes this frequent, blatant and obvious mistake that is so easy to know how to avoid!



2. “THEY” “THEIR” “THEM”:


It is obvious that these words all are plural and would only be used correctly in relation to more than one individual. This is so clear and simple, and easy to defend.



INCORRECT USAGE EXAMPLES:
“I will ask the person if they are okay with our giving their seat away.”
“One of the students must have left their lunch under the table yesterday.”

CORRECT OPTIONS:
“I will ask the person if he or she is okay with our giving his or her seat away.”
“I will ask the person if he is okay with our giving his seat away.”
“I will ask the person if she is okay with our giving her seat away.”
“I will ask the woman if she is okay with our giving her seat away.”
“I will ask the man if he is okay with our giving his seat away.”
(Notice that if the sentence starts with man or woman, we would almost never say "they" or "their" and yet if it starts with "person", we often choose incorrectly the plural pronoun "they" or "their".)

“One of the students must have left his or her lunch under the table yesterday.”
“One of the students must have left her lunch under the table yesterday.”
“One of the students must have left his lunch under the table yesterday.”


3. Lastly - The infamous split infinitive:



INCORRECT USAGE EXAMPLES:
"He decided to sloppily finish filling in the form so that at least he could say he had submitted it."
I’m going to quickly eat my dinner so I can get to the theater before 8:00 PM.

CORRECT USAGE EXAMPLES:
"He decided to finish filling in the form sloppily so that at least he could say he had submitted it."
"I’m going to eat my dinner quickly so I can get to the theater before 8:00 PM."


The most compelling defense for avoiding the split infinitive is to think of the infinitive as a cohesive combined verb unit that is always made up of two words, the first word of the pair always being “to”.


In many spoken languages, the infinitive form of the verb is one word and can never be split for that reason: to eat = manger in French, = comer in Spanish.

I rest my three cases.  This has been my defense for my three pet peeves.

So, I ask you again,

Does it really matter if people use language correctly?

I surely know that in the grand scheme of communication, it cannot matter very much if you always use the correct personal pronoun. What meaningful impact could there possibly be if you use third-person plural pronouns when referring to a single individual? And who really cares if you split a two-word infinitive with an adverb? Really! Who cares?

If only my answers to these rhetorical questions were in line with this indifference and disregard for the importance of correct usage. You can see from my writing here that, indeed, it matters a good deal to me, even though I have not referred at all to any of these three pet peeves in my book,  SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success available through Word Craft Press. There is an elegance to speaking and writing that I care about deeply and so I have shared these with you like Johnny Appleseed who travelled across America planting apple seeds. Who knows? Maybe my planted seeds will be fruitful. Spread the word. Certainly, I feel terrific satisfaction from having laid this out so thoughtfully and thoroughly.

May your new awareness of the correct way to say these components of language enhance your communication and add to your ability to SPEAK EASY!

Until next time,
The Wordsmith

Speak Easy Note #18 - The Best Kind of Non-Verbal Communication

For all of you who know me well, you knew it had to be coming. Eventually and undoubtedly, I would be writing about dogs. You see, I call myself a “dog slut” and embrace this label in the most endearing way possible. And for anyone who has the kind of insatiable appetite for and deep appreciation of dogs that I have, living in New York City is definitely the place to be. Each time I come in from my daily run, my own true love and home sharer, Bianca, the five-pound Papillon, goes nuts inspecting the variety of competing scents I carry home with me every day.

To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, one source claims that there are an estimated 283,000 dogs in Manhattan alone, not counting the other four New York City boroughs. This means that no matter what time of day or night I run, I will find a multitude of canine friends sharing the sidewalks with me to greet and be greeted by.

They come in all sizes, ages, colors, temperaments and personalities. Each of them speaks without words. Each of them communicates exactly what they want me to know. I can tell a block away if a dog wants to be petted. I know exactly which ones will be licking my face. Their body language and facial expressions are transparently expressive and immediate. I know to extend the back of my hand so they can sniff me before I engage with them. I always get on their level so that I am not dominating or overpowering them. I let them show me what they’re comfortable with. I almost always get lots of kisses and affection. Tonight I even got my favorite “love bites” from a sweet Wheaton Terrier that I had never met before. This special greeting is an almost imperceptible touch of the teeth when being licked - a tiny grab with the mouth that is sweet and gentle. Dogs who do this know you are totally comfortable and trusting. They are showing a closer affection. This is not an aggressive biting or even anything like a bite - just a more intimate dog kiss than a simple lick. After the engagement is over, I always say “thank you” to the owner and the dog. It is my daily therapy. It is like the respectful Bahamian greeting I described two postings back. There is so much we can learn from the non-verbal communication and facial expressions of dogs.

Here is a wonderful link showing animals being rescued following Hurricane Katrina. Their expressions in these photos tell the entire story.

Animal Rescue Hurricane Katrina

In my book, SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success, available for purchase from Word Craft Press, I write about non-verbal communication:

Words are actually the smallest contributor to how communication is received.

Research repeatedly shows that

The non-verbal portion of communication exceeds 90% of how communication is received.

The largest non-verbal elements of communication are

facial expression and tone of voice.

Since so much of how we receive communication is non-verbal – with the largest portions coming from facial expression and tone of voice – it’s very tricky to disconnect our emotions from the reactions we have to what people say to us. We can gain meaningful insight into how we interpret what people say, and into our subsequent feelings and reactions, from looking at that large percentage of non-verbal communication.

Our underlying attitudes and judgments add so much to what we communicate and to how our communications are received. Starting with self-awareness, we can open our eyes and bring a new sensitivity to how we interact with people.

Until next week,
The Wordsmith

Speak Easy Note #17 - "What Noise?" - More Bahamian Wisdom

Last week I wrote about living in the Bahamas and learning the importance of demonstrating respect in every communication.  I described how much I learned from living in Nassau.  A great deal of the wisdom I absorbed there came from my friend, Leo.

Leo and I met when I first moved to Nassau and began taking tennis lessons. I had always loved playing tennis and knew that living in this wonderful warm climate year-round would be the ultimate setting to transform my mediocre tennis skills. Leo was the ideal tennis pro for someone like me. So many coaches constantly yell commands from deep on the other side of the court while you are in the process of concentrating on hitting the ball correctly, causing public humiliation and disrupting any ability you may have to accomplish that goal.  Leo always watched and waited and then walked to the net to meet me and tell me quietly and privately one small detail at a time to concentrate on to lift my game. We quickly became very good friends.

Leo was, for me, the best possible tennis pro. He was patient. He inspired me to my best. He instilled dedication to hard work. He led me to self-awareness without ever criticizing me or judging me.  He was never condescending.  Leo’s wisdom and emotional intelligence far exceeded his level of formal academic education.  In addition to all that I learned about how to play tennis from Leo, he taught me how to see the world from a different perspective.  I will always treasure his friendship and consider him to be one of the most influential people in my life.

One evening, after having lived in Nassau for almost a year and a half, my entire family including my parents who were visiting from Virginia, were out together for dinner at The Poop Deck, a local place that few tourists would find or frequent.  Leo was with us that night as we were in the stage of preparing to leave soon to return to New York.  We were enjoying the wonderful casual local atmosphere when I kept feeling uncomfortable about the loud voices coming from a table on the other side of the room where two American women were sitting and practically screaming their conversation.  Somehow being the only other Americans in the place gave me a sense of connection to or responsibility for this loud, ill-mannered behavior.  I made an embarrassed comment to Leo about the noise the women were making and he said to me, “What noise?” so I repeated my comment again and he again replied, “What noise?”. After the third time Leo said simply, “What noise?”, I finally realized what he was teaching me. I broke into laughter and said, “Oh, Leo, thank you for that gift. I am going to take that back to New York and make sure I LIVE the essence of what you have taught me as I deal with life and pressure in THE BIG CITY."

There have been many instances over the years when I have used this valuable lesson.  I have shared this story with countless cab drivers as together we have laughed over, “What traffic?”!  Believe me, it is much harder to take this approach living in New York City  than it was that night in Nassau. If you think about it though, it is always the same proposition. How you see any situation becomes your reality. And you are the only person who can control that perspective.

Thank you, Leo, for your supreme and treasured gift of the value of perspective. Thank you, Leo, for the gift of friendship that exceeds all material possessions one could ever have. Thank you, Readers, for being with me on this journey and reading my words each week.

Here are some brief excerpts from detailed sections in SPEAK EASY available through Word Craft Press that look at the importance of perspective in communication:


Our underlying attitudes and judgments add so much to what we communicate and to how our communications are received.  Starting with self-awareness, we can open our eyes and bring a new sensitivity to how we interact with people. Additionally, we will want to examine the risks involved in communicating in new ways.

It’s up to each of us:
-To adjust how we experience and respond to negativity around us
-To be the primary source of our own well-being
-To be our own best friend

And we must do these without:
-Acquiescing to abusive power
-Condoning inappropriate communication
-Thinking it’s easy to ignore negative communication and behavior

Let’s remember the childhood saying, “Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you.” so that we can become stronger and stay intact when we experience negative emotions or reactions in response to what someone has said to us.

If we could gain some distance and perspective to examine the whole of our individual lives from beginning to end, surely the importance of a single person’s negative behavior, in the grand scheme of who we are, would take on an entirely new perspective and be relatively insignificant. When we give others the power to destroy our well-being and our ability to communicate effectively, we’re actually feeding the monster.

This is similar to Franklin D. Roosevelt’s quote, “The only thing we have to fear is fear, itself.” People can’t terrorize you verbally without your participation on some level.

The more dependent you are on getting approval and recognition from others so you can feel good about yourself, the more likely it will be that you will lose your sense of well-being in life without external reinforcement. Everyone thrives on praise. In the feedback I collect about managers that describes what they most need to change, a frequent response is the request to hear more praise. Wanting recognition for good work is a healthy desire yet quite different from being dependent on praise to gain a strong sense of self and to obtain satisfaction in life, which is a formula for disappointment and disaster.

Wanting Recognition = Healthy Desire

Dependence on Praise = Formula for Disaster

Feeling good about yourself and what you do is the primary key. This requires communicating your passion and dedication rather than depending on praise and reinforcement from others to validate who you are.

****************** Speaking of perspective ...

CECK OUT THIS LINK!:
"Lost Generation"


Until next week,
The Wordsmith

Speak Easy Note #16 - Bahamian Wisdom

Many years ago I lived in the Bahamas on Paradise Island off of Nassau, the key City on New Providence Island. My then husband had come home one night and had asked at the dinner table, “How would you like to live in Nassau for three to six months while I set up an offshore bank there?” I’m sure my memory must be distorted about my response and reaction to his question. What I remember is that I immediately got up from the table without saying a word, went upstairs to our bedroom and started to pack.


We lived in Paradise for the next eighteen months as it turned out. During that time, we missed two New York winters. Every day while there, with very few exceptions, I played tennis for hours and also spent a good portion of each day lying in the sun on the beach next to clear calm turquoise warm inviting water. I collected hundreds of beautiful seashells and read many books, developing an insatiable appetite for reading and wordsmithing. I always described this adventure by saying that we bathed but we didn’t need to and that I never needed to say “no” to my son because we owned nothing except our clothes. I believe that living there during such an important formative life stage contributed hugely to the kind of well-adjusted, self-actualized person my son turned out to be. When we disembarked from the cruise ship that brought us back to New York at the end of our time living in Nassau, my three-year old boy looked down into the Hudson River and asked, “Mommy, why is the water yellow?”

I learned more about the basics of living a good life and about the key ingredients of good communication in the Bahamas than from any other personal, professional or educational experience in my life. Many American tourists would come to stay at the top resorts on Paradise Island and return to their homes with a very inaccurate sense and description of the Bahamians who worked in these resorts: I’ve seen a tourist walk up to a hotel beach attendant and ask for a towel and have watched the attendant walk away without even acknowledging that he had been addressed by anyone.  Does sound rude, doesn’t it?  And if you had paid many hundreds of dollars for your flight to Nassau and your hotel room - and maybe lost a few more hundred gambling in the casino the previous night, you might have described that Bahamian as rude too.  Let me paint the real picture of such an episode and then you can decide who the rude person is in these types of instances. 

If you stand on West Bay Street in Nassau and observe the people who live there, you will see and hear that each and every Bahamian who passes another Bahamian, greets that person respectfully by saying, “Good morning (or evening or …); how are you today?” Whether the individuals know each other or not, this respectful greeting and courtesy is always extended to everyone so that when an American tourist walks out on the beach and asks a hotel employee for a towel without saying hello and asking how the person is first, it is very likely that the resort guest will be totally ignored. Respect comes before all else and courtesy is a given.

My life in the Bahamas many years ago certainly set the stage for the importance I have placed on the level, mutually respectful, two-way communication that I write about in SPEAK EASY, The Communication Guide for Career and Life Success:

The first fundamental element of good communication is:

No matter what the level of power or station in life

of the other person in a dialogue,

the communication can always be level.

Think of an equal sign with arrows pointing back and forth. See the equal, two-way street of communication in every type of conversation or verbal exchange.

Communication begins to break down when you feel an advantage over or disadvantage with another person. Either of these two imbalances may exist. Life is rarely fair or equal. People do have positions of authority or power.

Hierarchies abound:

♦Parent / Child  ♦Teacher / Student  ♦Employer / Employee  ♦Owner/ Buyer ♦Captain / Soldier  ♦Senior / Freshman  ♦President / Clerk  ♦Boss / Secretary ♦Interviewer / Job Candidate  ♦Expert / Lay Person  ♦Celebrity / Unknown Individual ………………and so on.

When people are on the offensive or the defensive, communications will weaken. When you see communication as an equal two-way back-and-forth exchange, both to listen and to be heard, respectfully, no matter what the circumstances, you will be able to say what you want appropriately and effectively. Good communication is never at the expense of self or others.

More Bahamian wisdom to follow in future blogging.

Happy new decade to everyone! Health and prosperity to all!

Until next week,
The Wordsmith